Lee Pitts: Good / Bad News


I have a psychologist friend who told me that the best way to break bad news to someone is in the traditional bad news / good news format. She insists that it’s better to break the bad news first and then cheer them up with the good news last, but I don’t know. Here are a few examples of how the people you deal with on a regular basis can deliver bad news.

From your banker – “The bad news is that the bank has recently been sold and the new owners are not making farm loans, so you will need to find alternative financing for your operating loan and your ranch loan within 48 hours. The good news is that I have a cousin who is a loan shark for the mafia and I told him about your situation and he agreed to lend you the money to pay off the bank at 18% interest compounded daily. His name is Scar-Faced Vinny and he will contact you soon.

From your doctor – “The good news is that there is treatment for your condition that includes taking one of these little pills a day for the rest of your life.”

“But Doc, the prescription you wrote is only for three pills.”

“Yes, I’m afraid that’s the bad news. “

From your favorite seed supplier – “The good news is that only five of the 2,500 heads we have sold in the past five years were sired by a well-known herd father who now carries the genes for three fatal genetic defects, This includes being born with five legs, a curved spine, or a tail where an ear should be. The bad news is, you’ve bought all five. But wait, here’s some more good news. As an excuse, we’ll offer you ten percent off any bull you buy in our next sale if you buy ten or more heads.

From your fiancé ‘- “The good news is that I have discussed this with my parents and we are planning a small wedding. The bad news is that I am not going.

From The Feds – “The bad news is that while no Endangered Red-Headed Tadpoles live in your waterers, our scientists have speculated that they may be able to live there. Therefore, ALL Your ranch’s waterers will need to be fenced off from your livestock and you will need to keep them at the correct temperature and degree of fullness at all times.The good news is that you can still keep livestock on the rest of your ranch… for now.

From your vet – “The bad news is that your cow has a very costly disease. The good news is if she doesn’t survive the treatment and we have a negative patient result, I’m a taxidermist and I buy also hides. Either way, you’ll get your cow back.

From Your Favorite Cattle Feeder – “The good news is that your cattle have been doing exceptionally well, are currently at their optimum weight, and cattle prices are the highest they have been in months. . The bad news is that none of the Big Four meatpackers want to buy them.

From your lawyer – “The good news is that I met your wife today and she informed me that she recently invested $ 5,000 in two images that could be worth millions of dollars and I think she is conservative. “

“This is good news. She’s always had a good eye and is a brilliant businesswoman. So tell me, what could be the bad news?”

“The bad news is that the two photos are of you and your secretary.”

From Your Favorite Leather Dealer – “I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that your husband was in my shop today and he accidentally fell into one of my big upholstery sewing machines. The good news is that when you get it back it should be fully recovered. “

From your best friend – “I’m just going to end this and give you both the good news and the bad news at the same time. Your wife is cheating on both of us.

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